Nikolay Gumilev
Did I Murder My Father

Did I murder my father, murder my mother,
in some other life ?
Yes, oh immortal, eternal God, yes! or how
could I deserve this disgrace of suffering?

I lead a life as peaceful as death,
everything I do belongs to someone else, nothing
to me—except a languid, worthless,
distinctly platonic love...

Oh to run, to hide like a thief
— in Africa, as I hid before, to lie
beneath some royal sycamore
and never rise.

Darkness would wrap me in velvet,
the moon would dress me in silver,
and maybe the wind could forget
that, once, I worked in an office.

Translated by Burton Raffel and Alla Burago